A "Just Between You and I" World

A year or so ago, when my New Yorker arrived, I gave a hoot of appreciation when I ran into a cartoon by William Haefeli showing two men at a bar, one saying to the other, "You have no idea what's it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."  I've been hoping for more in a possible series of grammar jabs but no such luck.

I'm not a school teacher but have been "accused" of being one (what's the matter with being a school teacher?) because I have on occasion brought up grammatical issues.  In fact, I've been tempted sometimes to actually go to a school or two and ask when their students study grammar these days.  Or do they?  Or has the study of grammar become obsolete?  Not sure what the problem is but it's definitely become a "just between you and I" world. 

In somehow thinking "me" a "bad" word, people are substituting "I" more and more often.  "They're coming to spend the holidays with Bob and I."  Nooooo.....  You wouldn't say, "They're coming to spend the holidays with I."  That's the clue, the key, the test.  If you don't say "between we" then you don't say "between you and I."  Good old "me" needs to go back in that slot.

Now, here's my biggie.  It used to creep into speech only now and again.  Even a villain portrayed by Kirk Douglas knew the proper usage.  (I'll get to it in a minute.)  All prose knew the correct usage.  Now, it's seeped into everyday speech, movies, books, newspapers, Google news, song lyrics.  Here it is.

I've had a series of shoulder problems over the years requiring long bouts of physical therapy.  Invariably, therapists would tell me, "Lay down on the table."  Ooooooooooo..... nooooo.  To sort of edge in perhaps too subtle a call on their mistake, I'd say, "Do you want me to lie on my back or stomach?"  I'd sort of emphasize the word, "lie," ever so slightly.  (It never worked; they never caught on.)

But now, using "lay" instead of "lie" is such common usage, I'm almost pulled up short when I hear it used correctly.  I think to myself--and yes, I do do this--"my, he/she got it right."  But you hear people telling their dogs to "lay down" or they'll talk about "laying on the sofa" and reading.  I want to say, hey guys, "lay" requires an object.  It means "put."  I want to say that one doesn't "put" on the sofa.  One puts something on the sofa.  You lay your silver spoons on the table.  You lay 58¢ on the counter.  "Lie" means "stretch out, lounge."  You tell your tiger to lie down. 

Of course, just to confuse things, "lay" is the past tense of "lie."  So, you lay down yesterday.  But in the present tense, using "lay" instead of "lie" would be similar to saying, "I'm going to reclined in the hammock." 

In fact, I sometimes wonder if that dear prayer hasn't contributed to the problem:  "Now I lay me down to sleep."  No one much pays attention to the "me" thinking you can delete it.  But if you delete it, you need to rephrase it:  "Now I lie down to sleep."  As grammar books point out, only chickens lay.  So if you're not a chicken and you don't plan to lay an egg, then remember that good old word, "lie."

I actually figured out how to illustrate this posting.  Think:  "Dreaming of mice, Puss is lying on Fifi."

I have other grammatical issues but, lucky you, I'll save them for another day.